You. Hi. I never thought you would find me here. I guess it was only a matter of time.

I am 2000 miles away, it’s so early in the day. I haven’t given this address to anyone yet!

I’m surprised you found me here. This place where nothing is as it once was.

My life is so different now. I’ve got my dream job! And I’m surrounded by kindness. I am up at 6AM because I am capable of that now! Remember when I used to sleep in until 4PM? Well, you obviously do. Cause that’s still you.

A glowing tomato is lighting up the sky. I guess that’s what they call an east coast sunrise. You never thought you’d see this, huh? Well I guess since you’re here, would you like a beer? Ah, you’re right it’s the morning. Would you like some tea? Hah. I know that was silly, well you know me!

Or rather, you know me too well. Remember that time I cut up my knee when I fell? I used to lose my balance a lot. Sometimes I still do. Like right now.

Ah! I spilled your tea! Gah that’s hot. I’m so sorry. Let me get some ice. Shit, this burns. If you feel this like I feel this, then maybe we should take turns.

Turns. That makes sense. Is that why you’re here? Is it my turn to feel our pain?

I guess it’s been a lot for you to carry. No wonder your stitches keep coming undone. I don’t think it helps that I’ve been on the run and you’ve chased me. From coast to coast. And I know how much you hate cardio, cause I hate it too.

But I want you to know that I do not hate you. Stay as long as you’d like. But you’re gonna have to walk places since we don’t know how to bike. And I guess, we’re going out tonight. Yeah, I don’t love that either. But we’ll stick together, dance a lot, and go outside for a breather.

I know I was surprised to see you, but that was just momentary shock. You know every passcode, how to open every lock. I knew you would get through to me sooner or later, no matter how far I ran. I shouldn’t try to escape you, it’s not like I ever can.

And it’s not like I really want to. I really just want to love you. I want to hold you close and show you how dependable we’ve grown. The woman that has risen from the pain of our past. I want to be big enough that you fit into the crook of my arm and I can cradle you like a baby.

Small. I want those things that happened to us to feel small too.

But you’re not small, are you? You never were. Your spirit is larger than your body and your love is larger than life. No matter what happened, you made it possible for us to sit here this morning and have tea.

You survived so that I could live.

All I’ve done is taken what you’ve had to give.

We are not small. Either of us. So when I try to hold you I feel the weight of everything we’ve gone through. I feel like a coward for trying to disown you. But I have no upper arm strength. For all that’s changed and all I’ve grown, that remains the same.

I’ll work on it. I promise.

One day I will not just hold you in my arms but I will lift you above my head where everyone can see you. I will not run from our pain because we are so much more than that.

To be me is to be you. To love me is to love you.

And I do. Though loving you is intense, I am learning to love you in every sense. Even when you fuck up, and even when you’re down. I am going to stop running. From now on I’ll be around. Even when it hurts, and even when it bites. The next time I go so far, I’ll make sure you’re on those flights.

You stayed in the past so that I could move on, and it’s time I gave you a hand. We help each other see what life can be. Together we understand:

That hurt will come, and it will come a lot. Bad things will happen too. And even when we move forward to different things, that pain will follow you. But we are more than that pain, more than that hurt. We are beautiful creatures with a purpose on this earth. We sit here this morning holding gratitude close. Telling our past and future selves, I love you both.

So sit with me, please. Let me make you another cup.

I know you’re tired from chasing me for so long.

Take a seat, let’s catch up.